"Just back from a week at this hotel, and I’m honestly struggling to work out where the fifth star is hiding. Maybe it’s halfway up one of the hills and I simply ran out of oxygen before I found it.
We all want different things from a holiday. Personally, I’m looking for comfort, relaxation, and good food. Unfortunately, this holiday turned into an unexpected fitness boot camp.
If you have any sort of walking difficulty, I’d think twice before booking. The hotel is perched on top of a hill, and getting from reception to your room can feel like training for a mountain expedition. There is a golf buggy available... sometimes. Spotting one, however, became a bit like trying to spot a rare wildlife species.
Walking into town is easy enough. Walking back is another story entirely. The climb is so steep it should probably come with a health warning and complimentary hiking poles. There is a hotel bus, but it seemed to operate on the exact schedule that ensured we always missed it. Getting a taxi in the afternoon was also a challenge, which is why we ended up tackling Mount Hotel twice on foot.
For me, this is a solid 4-star hotel at best, so let me explain.
The main pool area is lovely. You’re not packed in like sardines, the sunbeds are high quality, and in September there are plenty available. Both infinity pools look great, and there’s a cute little dipping pool with beanbags. The reception and restaurant area also look beautiful when lit up at night.
The problems start when you actually get in the pool. Neither pool is heated, so entering one requires the courage usually reserved for polar explorers. If it rains, the sunbeds stay outside soaking wet, meaning you either wait for them to dry or embrace the experience of lying on a giant sponge.
If you’re all-inclusive, don’t expect much excitement from the drinks menu. A surprising number of drinks seem to live behind a paywall.
The rooms are located behind the main building and, depending on which block you're in, may require another uphill trek. Ours was a decent size and generally comfortable. We received one little milk portion on arrival, which apparently was so precious it was never replaced. We did at least get a bottle of water every day.
The bathroom was where the real adventures happened. The shower leaked and regularly flooded the floor. The glossy tiles were so slippery that on my first exit from the shower I nearly recreated a scene from a cartoon and ended up banging my head. The shower head sprayed water in every direction except the one intended, the pressure was weak, and the temperature seemed to be selected by a random number generator.
The biggest disappointment was the food. Nothing was ever hot. We watched fresh food being brought out and tipped on top of the existing trays, yet somehow it was still cold. It was genuinely impressive. After two days we gave up and started eating out, which wasn't an expense we'd planned on having.
The staff are what save this hotel. They work hard, are friendly, and do their best. Without them, the hotel would have little to offer beyond a nice-looking pool area and an impressive cardio workout.
One of our best days was spent at the beach, largely because the sea was warmer than the swimming pool, which tells its own story.
By the end of the week, we were more than ready to go home. Sadly, this is not a hotel I would return to, unless I suddenly develop a passion for hill climbing, cold swimming, and mystery-temperature showers."