"The Llana Beach Hotel is one of 4 Melia Hotels in a row leading down to a splendid beach and clear waters. With the superb climate and warm winds it is on the face of it an idyllic winter location. The hotels all appear well maintained with nice pools and facilities. The Llana Beach Hotel is billed as a 5 star adults only, adults only, Spa, Platinum rated by TUI, although we learnt from customers of TUI that the hotel had been downgraded from platinum in recent weeks. And it soon became clear why. We had also paid up front an extra £1000 for access to some 20 restaurants and facilities at the entire Melia complexes. Glossy pictures of fine cuisine and promises of elevated dining experiences awaited. VIP guests also had a VIP breakfast experience at the Casa Nostra restaurant, which in the evening was one of the elevated Italian dining experiences. We used it twice after waiting 55 minutes for eggs on toast with a slice of salmon and listening to customers complaining. It was exactly the same food as the main hotel all inclusive dining room except with waiter service and a couple of extra dishes. Watching the local birdlife landing on the bread pecking the seeds off was also a turn off. safe to say we did not use this restaurant, except for sampling the Italian dishes. It soon became clear that probably 80% of the 20 restaurants were directly linked with melia as such the menus contained 4 to 5 dishes. A restaurant in the adjoining hotel called Nami was I believe an independent franchise and the standard of food was better. It was soon easy to work out which restaurants were independent because at the end of the meal you signed a bill, which I presume they remunerate monies from the VIP pot. The prices of food are listed and you can expect to pay €100 for a meal and a couple of drinks. Seven € for a small bottle of Heineken and €9 for a glass of wine.
Before the general discontent of the dining experiences had firmly taken hold I had been directed by my holiday operator to sit down with a customer relation member of staff. Issues such as the safe not working, the phone not working, no handle on the shower door, a request for the room to be fumigated of cockroaches and three requests to replace the bedside reading light were just a few of the things that painted a picture of the lack of management at this hotel. Upon the fourth request for a lightbulb I was told there wasn’t any and wouldn’t be.
After the first week due to complaints there were food inspectors and management around the complex and I know that customers offloaded some strong about the standards. We were offered two free meals on the hotel until I pointed out that we had paid to eat in those restaurants. The member of staff seemed unable to comprehend this and took me to another member of staff, who then took the time to book us in to 8 of the dining experiences across the complex. His name was Patrick and did everything he could within his capability and I think, or hope he shared our frustrations. In short we sampled six further restaurants and was so utterly disappointed with the abject rubbish that was served that I actually cancelled the last 2 to avoid further disappointment. We ate in a restaurant called Aqua. Nikki billed as a fusion of cuisine, combining Japanese and I believe Peruvian , although I stand to be corrected. Balls of cold mashed potato with tuna on and a duck leg as a main with spinach sauce. It should have been called Confusion cuisine. The Aqua restaurant was of the same standard followed by the Secret Garden which advertised aromas of smoking barbecue with live music. A welcome glass of fizz when you entered raised our hopes. Here we sampled a tuna nicoise salad comprising of lettuce leaves a couple of bits of charred pepper, and a desert spoon of tinned tuna. My fillet of pork was too small pieces of a thin pork chop and my partners grilled steak was a warm tiny piece of steak that had obviously been left on the grill. Given the appearances and decor of the restaurants we thought things can only get better. The next was the Señor Assisi restaurant where the anti-pasti consisted of three pieces of cured meat, three strips of bland cheese on the bed of nuts and raisins. I chose the Oslo Bucco as a main which is meant to be a rich veal stew. It was a tiny slice of oxtail with bone in with gravy and a dried piece of oven baked polenta. My partners vegetable lasagna had condensed tomato soup within. There were only four dishes on the menu and after this we skipped the desert and returned to our hotel to eat in the main dining area, such was the poor standard. Perhaps the most indicative of what I saw as the extorting of maximum profit with low quality food and service was a Moussaka main dish that arrived in a tiny bowl and was no more than three forkfuls. I could go on and took pictures just so I would be believed.
We had a decent meal in a restaurant called La cabana which was on the beach and included in the VIP package. A really nice steak and pork ribs were good. The standard of food at the bikini beach club was also far superior, but like Nami was also independent open to visitors and therefore would never survive if they served the melia chain VIP food. There were other restaurants that we did not eat in and may have been better, and I stand to be corrected. We also ate in the Casa Nostra within Lana Beach for the Italian experience. Squid and prawns deep-fried in dirty batter was inedible and having seen the option of fresh pizzas I opted for a diavolo. We could see the pizzas being made and I held out hope, only to receive a gloopy mess of mozzarella with a couple of pieces of ham and not a single element of heat in it. The standard of food within a good percentage of these restaurants was shocking and very limited, three starters, four or five mains, and three desserts. I do not believe that they were professional chefs existing within as any chef would have been embarrassed to serve this standard of food.
The general lack of supervision and management in this hotel was poor. On day seven with rain forecast there was no effort to take in the 200+ mattresses off the sunbeds and as such with a downpour in the night there were soaked mattresses that were unusable for those around the pool and many were just tossed on the floor to dry.
The spa in the hotel had a Turkish steam room, sauna, and outside Jacuzzi. During the entire two weeks the Turkish steam room was out of order and no one knew when it may be in operation , and for two days the Jacuzzi had no warm water. Hardly a five star spa experience. In contrast the spa facilities at the Tortuga hotel looked exemplary and was a complex downstairs from reception where you were given a locker key towel and robe.
It would appear that there has been a change of management or regime at this hotel. It was the seventh visit for friends we met and they stated in April this year they noticed a change and after this visit vowed not to return. Something has gone wrong at this hotel and the holiday operators need to get in front of it very quickly.
If you decide to come to Cape Verde. It is very hit and miss, a prime example being held in a queue for three hours on arrival at the airport because the 2 E gates had failed. This meant every passenger of two planes had to go through manual passport control with proof that they had paid their tourism duty or to pay cash.Tour operators strongly recommend paying before you go and this upfront payment is linked to your passport and when the gates are working, you can sail through. After two hours and 45 minutes standing in a queue without water or seating, the power came on and we were able to peel off and go through the gates. Whilst no fault of the hotel or the tour operator a three hour queue after a six hour flight was not a good start. There is no sense of urgency and maybe that’s where the motto of this island comes from - No Stress. Maybe not for those living and working here but be prepared. On the return home there was one desk for my holiday operator and we waited one hour 20 minutes to drop the bags off then followed by another 40 minutes to get through passport control and security.
There was much discontent at this hotel and it is never a five star experience. As said the setting was nice and you could if you so desired drink all day at the bars around the pool and hotel. Standards in the main restaurant, I believe improved in week two, whether this was because of an injection of complaint remedy I do not know.
There was a pool side snack bar which after two visits we did not use. The margarita pizza with fresh basil and fresh mozzarella arrived as three squares of dried pizza from the main restaurant which was similar to the type you get in a petrol station for £1 and goes in a microwave. The Greek salad contained rubbery cheese instead of feta.
It would be unfair to say everywhere on the island is the same as we spoke to passengers on our return journey who had stayed at other hotels and it had a good experience and there were quality restaurants on the beach at st Maria,. However there is not much else in this small town and the moment you step off the coach or out of a taxi you can expect to be accosted by sellers supposedly recognising you from the hotel where they also work. Most take rejection, however, when we rejected a visit to Matalan and the Senegalese market I was cursed and sworn at.
I unfortunately was put off from every returning to this island and having spent £4500 on our first holiday without children to be pampered and to experience fine dining we were disappointed beyond words."
