Vilamoura Garden Hotel

"Positives. The weather was great , the end, not quite as bad as that, but…. Negatives . This hotel is not 4 star , 3 star at a push . Rooms Ok, found the bed very comfortable and the housekeeping was excellent. Garden view rooms are a view of the main road🤷‍♂️ Breakfast was the usual suspects , some hot stuff, meat and cheese, cereal and pastries, nothing startling, fresh orange juice was great and the star of the show. If you wanted an omelette there was a 5.5 euro surcharge, never ever known that at a hotel, fried or poached eggs NO charge omelette 5.5 euro 😂 Food and drink overpriced. Staff in general were very good couple of exceptions but I’ll not single them out. Hotel ambiance.( perhaps we hit a bad few days,) but this was our experience. Most of our time around the pool was relaxing however from about 3/4 pm we were invaded by loud and foul mouthed obnoxious groups of men returning from the serenity of the golf course. As the drink flowed and males behaviour just got worse , this was far from relaxing , there were others guests who were equally loud and foul mouthed barely able to compile a sentence without using the F word. The first two days were pleasant but on day 3 two groups of these neanderthols appeared to arrive one group of white UK males 40/60 age range, ( golfers) appeared to think that all the other guests wanted to listen to their loud music , loud persona and foul language by the pool ,music ranging from trance, chill, oasis vibe played at full blast for the benefit of the entire hotel. Unfortunately there was another group of equally loud drunken obnoxious predominantly Asian males in opposition who decided they’d play their punjabi bangra bangers in direct opposition . As the afternoon progressed and the drink and sun took hold one guy with little man syndrome splashed one of the Asians and it all threatened to kick off, luckily it was defused by a few guys with a modicum of common sense on both sides and both groups returned to an adult reset. This was repeated the next afternoon but not as vociferously as the Brits had dispersed before the Asians turned up but the nonsense from both groups was as bad as the previous afternoon without the childish confrontations, at no time did any of the hotel staff intervene other than to provide these groups with copious amounts of alcohol which did nothing but exacerbate the situation giving them carte Blanche to behave exactly as they wished, plying them with beer, shorts , jager bombs etc. It was a relief that both groups were away from the hotel until about 3/ 4pm . Once these groups tipped up from their golfing etc we just left the pool area and went to our room , and even on the balcony it was noisy ,we had to close the patio doors to escape the madness. Fortunately the Asians had gone by the Sunday and the other group by the Monday returning the hotel to a bit of normality for our final 2 days, however it did impact on 3 days of our holiday. The hotel staff should have nipped this in the bud immediately but they didn’t and in setting the bar low it was the respectful courteous guests that suffered, poor show IMO. There are 3 restaurants/ bars in the vicinity of the hotel, sailors corner which is great for a drink or a light lunch, Pirata restaurant absolutely brilliant food at reasonable prices , run by some lovely older Portuguese gentleman so kind and respectful , please go to this restaurant 🙏and montel sol which is a bit more expensive but also serves excellent food, all offering far better value service and quality than the tourist rip off establishments on the marina👍 The resort itself Vilamoura marina, sounds lovely , and is picturesque, however after about 7pm it becomes hell on earth, dozens of groups of absolute morons in various stages of inebriation, the swearing the loutish behaviour, their unbelievable unawareness of anything outside their bubble, Mother Terasa could have been sitting next to them and their behaviour would NOT have improved. All these Irish bars which are Irish due to the fact that they sell Guinness and magners there is NOTHING remotely Irish about them🤷‍♂️ Plenty of Thai massage parlours and other dodgy businesses all around the marina , if that’s your thing, extremely seedy. I used to walk down to the marina everyday from the hotel, nice walk their and back gets you 8000 steps, 50 mins 👍and at about 10 am the place was being cleaned of the detritus from the previous evening, broken glass discarded drinks and sick🤷‍♂️ I’ll now go onto the prices in the bars and restaurants around the marina, we ate out every night and every meal other than pirata and montel sol was average at best , grossly overpriced,utterly underwhelming. I actually paid 6.5 euro for a can of STRONGBOW one night in a pub called Masters . Expect to pay 18 to 24 euro for a pizza,25 euro for a bottle of HOUSE wine🤔35/40 euro for bottle of Prosecco. 30 euro plus for sea bass or any other common fish. Gin and mixer 11 euro, cocktails from about 12 euros. Spent about 1500 euro in 8 nights, a meal and bottle of wine for 2 persons 100 euro plus. Couple of gin and tonics afterwards another 45 euros. Couple of soft drinks and sandwiches fries etc at the hotel through the day 50 euro. I think Vilamoura Marina is probably the worst resort I’ve EVER visited and easily the most expensive, these people should be wearing masks and singing stand and deliver 🤷‍♂️ Y"

"This hotel is NOT adults only. We booked on the premise of this however, two days into our stay the pool was overrun by children. Screaming and shouting completely ruined the peaceful stay and made us not want to stay at the pool. It’s listed as adult only however management explained that as the hotel only made the switch this year they still have to honour the family bookings made in advance. It really shouldn’t be advertised as adult only till these stays are finished. The management did allow us spa access at the Hilton to compensate for the false advertising, however it was of course an indoor pool. The outdoor hotel pool itself wasn’t the nicest, overhung by a lots large trees a lot of debris falls in that isn’t cleaned up as well as a film of suncream floating on the top even at the start of the day. I had to pick a spider out of my partners hair while he swam in the pool. The only day i seen the pool being cleaned with a net was the day a plastic bag floated in it for two hours. There was however, plenty of sunbeds and there didn’t seem to be that sunlounger rush you get at other hotels. There’s not a lot around the hotel as you’re far away from the marina and beach so there’s not much escape. There are shuttles that run from the Hilton to take you there however, we just opted for ubers as it was around 4€. There’s a spar a five minute walk away for all your room drinks and crisps. Shops will come up on google maps 3 minutes away - don’t bother, they’ve been knocked down & maps hasn’t updated it. The hotel itself is nice on the surface with all the amenities you could want. Rooms are spacious, robes provided, unfortunately ants invaded our room crawling in through the cracks in the locked balcony door. Balconies lack anywhere to dry your towels. Had a great sleep until the last night when a pair of drunk girls ran around the corridor screaming at 3am & sounded like they were fighting eachother when their mum dragged them into their room - embarrassing. Staff are polite and welcoming. Unfortunately a lot of them are new, especially the bar staff who have made me some of the worst cocktails i’ve ever had and the price point isn’t cheap. The price of an average cocktail at the bar is around 9/12€, we also paid around 7/8€ for a spirit and mixer. We ended up just getting drinks from the spar and having them by the pool instead. We’re half board and you cannot swap dinner for lunch (which there’s a reason for). The pool snacks are delicious but again expensive, you’re looking at 15€ for a basic chicken sandwich and chips. We attended the dinner on our first night and the food was great, it’s a menu rather than your standard buffet so you order a starter, main and dessert and pay for your wine. The king prawn dishes are excluded and you’ll need to pay for them and they were out of stock of a few menu items which limited the menu further. The food we did receive was delicious however and we couldn’t fault the service. The downside was it felt like eating in a nursing home. The environment was somewhat sterile with what sounded like call centre hold music playing so we didnt bother again and just headed to the marina where there’s lots of good options alongside entertainment as there isn’t any at the hotel. Half board isn’t really worth it. The food and the staff are the only saving grace for this place and for what you pay just to be there it doesn’t cut it. What was supposed to be a calming time away more often than not turned into an additional stressor. Book quite literally anywhere else."

"Hotel is very clean, full of golfers for the nearby golf course, with a few elderly guests as well. Breakfast is very minimal, a cooked table with bacon, sausages and beans, every other day hash browns. Another table with cooked meats and cheese etc, with another with cereal and fruit. Staff all very pleasant. Pool has enough sun beds and no placing of towels by inconsiderate guests. I was in room 119 - woke up first and second nights by people in the bar below constantly moving chairs and shouting etc. By the second night I had to complain and ask reception to keep them quiet - the bar is supposed to close at 11pm but this was around 12. I know this isn’t mega late but I’m on holiday to relax and go to bed around 10am and up for breakfast at 730am, as others also appeared to be. I spoke to the manager the following morning, who was extremely understanding and offered to move me to another room, but it was beside the lift, which was likely to also wake me if the same inconsiderate people where quiet going back to their rooms. So she organised some earplugs and the following day I was moved to room 201. This room was the opposite end and complete bliss until my final day when I was trying to catch some afternoon sleep ready for my 2am collection for our flight home, only to be constantly awoken by the cleaners shouting up and down the landing to each other. I called reception and was told “sir, it’s 4pm in afternoon” - which I get, but there’s no reason for the cleaners to be shouting up and down corridors to each other, without good reason. I’m sure they can do their jobs without shouting from one room to another or from end of the landing to the other and be mindful some guests are trying to relax. The other guests in our party are in room 120, which was opposite my original room. They were awoken most nights by the people above them, again moving chairs and shouting and arguing. Last night they also had to call reception because they couldn’t sleep and had endured it for too long, not wanting to be lived as they were in a suite. The rooms are good rooms, very clean, but there’s inadequate sound proofing, so if you want decent sleep then you need to look elsewhere. If your going to that drunk you won’t wake up and want a clean hotel then this is for you, however expect to pay €5 each time you want to go to the marina (main area) or return, which does add up, but not the hotels fault either. Staff are all very friendly, despite cleaners not considering people are also asleep through day for very good reasons"